\/\/ |-| `/ ( /\ |\| ~|~ | /= | |\| |) |\/| `/ \/\/ /\ `/ ----------------------------------------- -- Putting It On ----------------------------------------- C Put on your grandpa's jacket F Put on the jeans that fit to tight C Put on a pair of oxfords F We're gonna look like Neil Young tonight Am But I don't feel I belong here Em No matter how I try F G And everyone is smiling and everyone's polite Am I'm sure that they'll unmask me Em For the fraud that I've become F G So I'll keep putting it on putting it on putting it on C For everyone Put on the silly sweater The one that you got at the thrift store Put on some cut off jean shorts And we'll all laugh at my decor But I wake up with a dry mouth And my back is stiff and sore And I don't feel much like laughing at all my costumes on the floor I'm just like Pagliacci and I smile and I have fun So I'll keep putting it on putting it on putting it on For everyone Go home in the evening Put on sweatpants and a gray sweatshirt And I don't feel like anything And I don't feel like anyone that's for sure Because I'm bland and I am boring And I'm tired and afraid That I'll fake it until I make it but I'll never get made I like the impostor much more When it's all said and done So I'll keep putting it on putting it on putting it on For everyone ----------------------------------------- -- Punk Band ----------------------------------------- F D Turn the knobs, tune the guitar Drink light beer, the same in every bar Wind the cable, and adjust the mic Raise the stand to the perfect height Carefully craft lyrics, articulate your rage Jumping up and down on the plywood stage D F I can hear you now, hear you now, and it's so loud I can hear your voice, hear your voice, in the loud noise There is something there, something there, but they don't care I can hear you now, hear you now, and it's so loud The crowd heads for the door, it's the damndest thing The only thing in their ears is a high pitched ring There's a surplus of words on the tv screen Telling me what to rage at, telling me what to scream Seems a little futile, but now I know At least the clash of sounds has words you wrote I can hear you now, hear you now, and it's so loud I can hear your voice, hear your voice, in the loud noise There is something there, something there, but they don't care I can hear you now, hear you now, and it's so loud Carefully stack the amps, collapse the mic stand Pack it all up neatly in the beat up van Walking the fine line every town you go Singing what they want to hear, and the truth you know I can hear you now, hear you now, and it's so loud I can hear your voice, hear your voice, in the loud noise There is something there, something there, but they don't care I can hear you now, hear you now, and it's so loud ----------------------------------------- -- Fly In The House ----------------------------------------- F Bb I'm just a fly in the house now And I'm trying to get out Which I don't know how to do I'm a stranger in a strange land Placed here by somebody's strange plan And I'm so lost and I'm so confused C Maybe maybe maybe Dm If I bang my head on this forcefield C that I can't see Dm One more time and I'll break through Bb to where I want to be F Bb Why can't I find my way now? Why can't I find my way now? F Dm Flying on erratic flight paths Banging my head on the glass I'm just trying to get free So I take another pass But it's the same result alas Four thousand lenses and I can't see whats in front of me Maybe maybe maybe There is something wrong with the way that I perceive This world around me And I'm lost for eternity Why can't I find my way now? Why can't I find my way now? I am dumb and I am small And the thing about it all Is I only live a day I am Moses in the desert Flying circles my forever But my promise land evades Maybe maybe maybe There is something out there that has some kind of plan And I'm to small and dumb And I'll never understand Why can't I find my way now? Why can't I find my way now? Dm C When the planners had enough F Will they trap me in a cup Bb And show me mercy And set me free And on my way Or will they swat me to my grave Why can't I find my way now? why can't i find my way now? I'm not here all alone There's lots of flies within this home We're all trying to get free And we run into each other We say how you doing brother Man I'm just here living the dream Maybe maybe maybe We are doomed to wander briefly And then we die And maybe maybe That should give me peace of mind Why can't I find my way? Why can't I find my way? ----------------------------------------- -- Passing Through ----------------------------------------- D G D I'll pay cash 'cause just a couple of beers will do Bm G A They say you just got here, are you leaving so soon Bm D G D I'll drink them nice and slow, and then I'll hit the road D A D 'Cause I don't have long, I'm just passing through I go to work and what they ask of me I do But they say sacrifice and burn the midnight oil too I'm just trying to get some pay, not sell my life away 'Cause I don't have long, I'm just passing through Bm D G I see people running over others for a footnote Bm D A Going all in, and people just going along Bm D G But the rich man and the con man and the tyrant A They're all just hanging on If there's just one thing that I'm certain that is true As they cling white knuckled upon their pedestals That the same worms in the ground eat us all up six feed down And we don't have long, we're just passing through No we don't have long, we're just passing through ----------------------------------------- -- You'll Get Used To It ----------------------------------------- F#m D A E Yes I'm so damn tired, of giving up an inch or two a day Yes I'm so damn tired, of counting the miles the inches give away Yes I'm so damn tired, of feeling like every day's a fight Yes I'm so damn tired, of getting used to things that don't feel right A C#m You'll get used to it so I'm told A C#m Man sleeping in the street supposed to be paved in gold D And they'll probably colonize Mars City A Before he gets out of the cold F#m How silly of me D A You'll get used to it so I'm told You'll get used to it so they say Barely broken in, one foot in the grave, throw away You can buy anything you need But need has such a strange meaning these days How silly of me You'll get used to it so they say Yes I'm so damn tired, of giving up an inch or two a day Yes I'm so damn tired, of counting the miles the inches give away Yes I'm so damn tired, of feeling like every day's a fight Yes I'm so damn tired, of getting used to things that don't feel right You'll get used to it in time Money takes everything you love and makes it a grind And they'll strip it down and turn it round Until they can extract every last dime And I'm always let down But you'll get used to it in time Yes I'm so damn tired, of giving up an inch or two a day Yes I'm so damn tired, of counting the miles the inches give away Yes I'm so damn tired, of feeling like every day's a fight Yes I'm so damn tired, of getting used to things that don't feel right ----------------------------------------- -- Insomnia Song ----------------------------------------- Am Wake of feeling low and I'm only gonna feel lower Wake up feeling slow and I'm only gonna feel slower C Dm I know, I know, how these days go Riding on this carousel, going round and round Always on this cycle, going up and down I know, I know, how these days go C Dm Am I know, I know that these days pass I know, I know these days come back I'm afraid of the dark, but not the monsters underneath my bed Dead dogs, old monologues and things that haven't happened yet I know, I know how these nights go Focus on your breathing, and listen to the ceiling fan Just three more hours to go and you can try it all again I know, I know how these nights go I know, I know that these nights pass I know, I know these nights come back Riding on this carousel, going round and round Always on this cycle, going up and down I know, I know, how these days go ----------------------------------------- -- Dreams of New Mexico ----------------------------------------- Bm A D Dream of just packing it in Bm A D And driving as fast as I can Bm A G D There is a place I've always wanted to go Bm A D I dream of New Mexico I'm sure there's a trail in the high desert Leading to a Spanish church that has all of the answers I bet that there's mountains that even have snow I'll find out in New Mexico Bm A I dream, I dream, D I dream right through this thousand yard stare Bm A At my monitor, my monitor, D My monitor that's watching me and poisoning me force feeding me Bm A Nothing at all, nothing at all D Nothing at all forcing out the space in my head for dreams Bm A D These dreams of New Mexico Where the grocery stores sell fresh avocados And the road stands serve authentic tacos And I'll never run into anybody I know I dine well in New Mexico Where street lights blink yellow at night The cities are all quiet, there's nobody in sight There's a minor league baseball game on the radio I sleep well in New Mexico I dream, I dream, I dream right through this thousand yard stare At my monitor, my monitor, My monitor that's watching me and poisoning me force feeding me Nothing at all, nothing at all Nothing at all forcing out the space in my head for dreams These dreams of New Mexico And people will ask what I saw there I'll tell them about the cactus and the dry desert air I'll sing like a bard, I'll steal the show If I return from New Mexico New Mexico is not that far I way I could leave tomorrow, I could have left yesterday In the back of my mind I know I'll never go And I'll dream these dreams of New Mexico I'll dream, I'll dream of New Mexico ----------------------------------------- -- Not a Transaction ----------------------------------------- Em B7 C I have walked for a thousand miles Bm A C I have swam from shore to shore Watched my cities burning down Watched my brothers drown And I'm knocking at the door Bm A C The guardsman on the wall Points a sniper to my chest He says what have you ever done for me And although I try my best I am weak and I am small Bm A C But I am not a transaction Far far away in a tall tall building There's a young man in a suit Running down the halls Waving papers in the air And he says I have found the truth Don't you see it's very plain The numbers just don't lie You're a burden to the state A smudge number on the bottom line And I try my best to explain That I am not a transaction ----------------------------------------- -- Tunnel Song - words by Alex Ault ----------------------------------------- G C G C I was born in the dark, it's all I knew G D G Em You were a light, thought you'd come to stay C G D G But I was a tunnel that you passed on through The thing about light, is it starts as a spark Memories fade, you get laid you get paid But none of that could dodge the burn from your mark C D G Em So I strained my eyes, stared into the gloom See whats behind me, hold onto a memory C G D G Stir in my sleep and howl at the moon I was born in the dark, but now I know This tunnel's got tracks, doesn't matter how black No excuse, got to make my own glow So if you see me coming, I hope I brighten your day Bathe in the light, keep spirits bright And when I go, don't let your light fade away Yes when I go, don't let your light fade away ----------------------------------------- -- Brain Poison ----------------------------------------- C Em Am Dm Self appointed preachers to tell me whats right C Am Dm G Outrage salesmen striving to divide in two sides C Em Am Dm Engineering marvel so I can scream at a silhouette C Am Dm G Defunct discourse to shield me from someone I don't get Underwater datacenters tell me the weather Subservient servers tell me when my friends all get togehter Daytime commercial to tell me I'm missing out on the fun Goldfish hivemind leaves me forgotten by everyone C Am Dm G All I need is an old folk song Wash me in the river, drive a railroad spike, take a ride on a steamboat Rest my soul on the good Lord's providence Ease my mind on that old time solace All of human knowledge to tell me my words have already been said Stream of conscience shit show makes my feelings feel dull and dead Middle aged middle man tell me to get a sense of self worth I am not a luddite because I don't want followers All I need is an old folk song Wash me in the river, drive a railroad spike, take a ride on a steamboat Rest my soul on the good Lord's providence Ease my mind on that old time solace C May the circle be unbroken G by and by, by and by C Is there somewhere better waiting G In the sky, in the sky C I'll fly away, fly away old glory F I'll fly away, fly away in the morning C When I die, hallelujah by and by G I'll fly away fly away Later down the line when I'm gone and dead Driftwood in the word flood will be the evidence of what I did Tiny slice of my life that will live for eternity All of this insanity will replace me All I need is an old folk song Wash me in the river, drive a railroad spike, take a ride on a steamboat Rest my soul on the good Lord's providence Ease my mind on that old time solace ----------------------------------------- -- Lay The Stone ----------------------------------------- E A E A You wrote me a letter, a long time ago The central thesis of how to build a home A E You veer of nicely to financial capitalist control How man is moved by fear and longing But the fear mongers took all the longers owned C#m Your sermon's backed with facts and figures E Your prophecies were all made whole B A E So I, I will build my home It's all absurd, you point it out in depth We rely on clumsy systems, we could do much more with less You're waiting for a revolution where we all wake up and use our intellect As if we all thought harder we'd all just get along like that I choose to believe we're all afraid And longing to do our best So I, I will do more with less And in your life, you built yourself a home It was never perfect for you and you lived in it alone I don't want to be a philosopher Or an architecht buried up in dusty tomes I want to be a brick layer that my neighbors say Damn he can lay a stone You later said you can't change minds But only give them tools to change their own So I, I will lay the stone And I, I will build my home ----------------------------------------- -- Notes ----------------------------------------- I hope this album finds you well, good reader of liner notes. I think that the title of this album, taken from what I believe to be the signature song of the album, pretty much sums it up. Why can't I find my way? In much of my previous work, I explore "what is my destination" or "how do I get there" or "where am I right now". These assume there is a destination, and that there is a path forward. If we dig hard enough and reflect thoroughly, we can find what we seek. In a few months, I will be turning 30. This will likely be the last release of my 20s, which started almost a decade ago with me as a sad and lonely person who was just about to find out the multitude of paths we can all take. My 20s were a great adventure, and I painstakingly explored the paths I could and tried to discover the rationale of how to take some paths and how to abandon others. Now that I am almost 30, I am still clueless, but I'm no longer interested in finding my optimal path. The question "why can't I find my way" is fundamentally different than "how do I get there". The latter assumes there's a solution. I'm no longer sure there is one. So then what are we doing here? Why do we exist if we are to be perpetually lost? Why am I anxious about my anxiety of my being? This album is intentionally devoid of answers, except for the last song, which happens to be my personal favorite. I think if we are to wander forever, we might as well do it with intention, dignity, and with as many friends as we can. Thanks to everyone that listened to this before release and provided excellent feedback: Alex, Stephan, Scott, Kim, Warren, and Joe. More broadly, thanks to everyone that continues to care and support my music.